Where did we go wrong, friend? When did we change? The landscape of our friendship is so alien to me now. Unfamiliar. Foreign. Was it me? Did I give up on you? Or did I give you reason to give up on me? When did you stop trying so hard? Why? Did you replace me? Do you miss me? All the good times we had?
I know the answers to this problem are more complicated than either of us know. And I know neither of us really want to admit fault. But what if we did? What if we laid it all out on the table. Why we stopped trusting in one another. Why we stopped texting, calling, talking. How we felt when the other person just... moved on. What it felt like when we realized we missed the other person... if we ever did at all. When it hit us that we stopped thinking about each other altogether.
I'm sure you didn't mean to stop caring. I'm sure along the way, you didn't mean to lose the love and trust and care we gave one another.
But does any of that still exist? Does it matter? Do I matter? I get that we got older, but shouldn't that make friendships deeper? You helped make me who I am, so why would it be so hard to be around when I finally figured that out? Why is it so... hard? So complicated? I wish I could go back and tell myself how much you meant to me, but would I believe me if I told myself one day all of this would go away?
But does any of that still exist? Does it matter? Do I matter? I get that we got older, but shouldn't that make friendships deeper? You helped make me who I am, so why would it be so hard to be around when I finally figured that out? Why is it so... hard? So complicated? I wish I could go back and tell myself how much you meant to me, but would I believe me if I told myself one day all of this would go away?
So I guess here we are. Or aren't. Two people who shared experiences, lives, loves and losses, joys and pains, but somehow... severed from one another. I wonder if you think about how I affected you. I wonder if I do, too. But the truth is, I just wish that one day, we can sit down and talk it out. We probably never will. You'll probably never think twice about me again. And it's okay, really. We've moved on. We grew up. Reality intertwined itself into the fabric of the fantasy we lived in, and it took up the space between us. Such is the way of the world.
But know this; I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. I wouldn't give up my experiences with you. I wouldn't want to lose those memories. Because even though the memories that once were so sweet and serene are now tinged with melancholy nostalgia, I know that I love you, no matter how far away our lives take us from one another. And I know this because it still aches to think of you. It still stings when something I do or say or hear reminds me of you. And I know that even if it's just me that feels this way, what we experienced was real. It happened, and I was happier and better and stronger for it. Your memory lives on in my heart, where I still keep that part of you you shared with me. I'm never going to forget you. You changed so much of who I became. And after all, who would I be if you hadn't happened to me?
